You probably won’t be surprised if I tell you that the writing process has helped me immensely throughout my journey to better mental health – I am a writer, after all. For example, just after my breakup four years ago, I signed up for a two-week writing retreat in Greece, which helped me to process the extreme emotions that I was going through. I also write in my journal every morning, jotting down my thoughts and working through anything that comes up, while also trying to express gratitude for all the good in my life.
Writing is good for mental health
Research shows that writing and journaling can do wonders for our mental health by helping to reduce worry and stress. And I can definitely testify to this; when I’m overwhelmed, I’ll write about how I’m feeling and sometimes this is enough to help me self soothe. At other times writing allows me to get everything out of my head and onto paper – when I do this, it always strikes me how endless thoughts can seem so much more manageable when they’re not going around in circles in my mind.
The letter of self-compassion
One form of therapeutic writing is the letter of self-compassion. When my therapist first suggested I try it, I actually balked at the idea. I found it odd to write to myself and wondered how on earth it would help. The idea is to think of how you would expect an extremely compassionate and kind friend to speak to you and write to yourself from this perspective. You can do this if you’re facing a particular challenge in your life, or if you’re feeling low.
My therapist suggested this exercise to me a few months ago when I was going through a period of low mood and mild depression. I was wrestling with indecision in one area of my life, which had a knock-on effect on everything else. And the more I berated myself for this indecision, the more frustrated I became, which led to more negative self-talk and a low mood (which, you guessed it, gave rise to even more indecision and confusion).
I wrote the first part of the letter in therapy. The main instructions were to take the stance of an extremely compassionate and understanding friend and to write to myself from that loving perspective and also not to overthink while writing. Once I’d completed about a page, my therapist asked me if I was okay with reading it out loud, which I was. I have to say I was extremely surprised by the lovely things I had said to myself.
The answers are within us
As being self-compassionate doesn’t come naturally to me, I found it uplifting to read these words out loud. I was extremely supportive and gentle, and I seemed to know my strengths and how I could use them during what was a difficult time. It’s then that it occurred to me that 99 per cent of the time we have the answers to our own questions and dilemmas, but often they’re hidden beneath crippling self-doubt, negativity and shame.
But I only realised just how helpful this exercise is the other day when I read my letter to myself again. My therapist told me to add to the letter as and when I felt the need and to read it back to myself once a month or whenever I want a bit of a pep talk. I was feeling particularly low the other morning, so I read the letter and realised the things I had written were exactly what I needed to read at that moment in time.
And while I usually reach out to friends to ask for their opinions when I come up against self-doubt, it was nice to see that I myself have these answers already and that I can access them whenever I need to. I just need to write letters of self-compassion to myself!
Try it for yourself
I’d highly recommend you give this exercise a try, even if you’re not facing a specific dilemma or going through a particularly rough patch, as I feel it helps us cultivate self-compassion – an extremely important aspect of better mental health.
All you need are a few sheets of blank paper and a pen/pencil. It’s better you write this out as an actual letter as opposed to typing it (here’s an article on why).
Find a time when you know you won’t be interrupted. Put your phone on silent, maybe burn some essential oils, and get comfortable.
You can choose to focus on a specific issue that you’re having, or on a perceived flaw you believe you have. Take the stance of an extremely compassionate and loving friend. Perhaps you have a really good friend who seemingly knows the right things to say when you’re having a rough time – think of them and how they’d write to you if they were writing the letter.
Now start writing, giving yourself advice and kind words. Think about the possible changes you can make and suggest them from a place of care, encouragement and support. Avoid sentences that begin with the words “You should…”
The letter can be as long as you need it to be, but I advise aiming for at least one side of A4 to begin with. You can come back and add to the letter as and when you need to. I keep mine in the back of my journal and read it to myself once a month or whenever I feel I need a bit of a pep talk.
